An American author, Danny Wind, in a clear stylistic reference to Jonathan Swift’s “Modest Proposal”, but without the degrees of irony typical of that far greater satire, recently wrote a book entitled Let’s kill all the Belgians: a child’s guide to genocide.

It would seem that the Belgians have only been pretending to weakness and an almost total incapacity to govern themselves. In truth they have been planning a psycho-saccharin blitzkrieg for decades.

What the Belgians failed to achieve with their Mercator projection and its feeble attempts to make their tiny country look bigger, they will finally accomplish by dint of sucking American kids’ brains out once the latter have been reduced to sugar-saturated imbecility by a surfeit of waffles (as if that hadn’t already happened).

Danny Wind is convinced that the waffle will be the main Belgian weapon of subjugation, closely followed by sprouts, beer and chocolate. I suppose the original plan involving Kim Clijsters, Justine Henin and a burst of Beethoven’s 9th narrowly missed total world domination. Like Mr Wind, this author is also concerned about the seriousness of the Belgian threat to ‘world peace’ (whatever that is) and feels that necessary steps must be taken. Desperate situations call forth desperate measures.

In support, and despite some niggling concerns about the ethical correctness of eliminating Van-Eyck, Rubens, Rops, Delvaux, Folon, Spilliaert, Audrey Hepburn and the internal combustion engine, I would like to offer the burgeoning Belgian genocide movement an anthem, albeit a rather ragged one, to cheer their spirits and help them overcome any initial squeamishness.